Amateur Book Review X's 3

This weekend I sat down for a marathon of reading.

The books I chose won't be winning any Pulitzer Prizes but they were entertaining and that is exactly what I was looking for.

First Up - I Hate Your Guts by Jim Norton (you know little Jimmy Norton from Opie and Anthony). This was the follow up to his first book Happy Endings. I love Jim and was so excited to find this at library.

This was a fabulous book even if you aren't a Jim fan. I love him! His preface starts out with him celebrating and mourning the life of George Carlin. His first line is, "George Carlin died yesterday and I'm goddamn depressed about it." (BTW..if you are easily insulted this is probably the tamest line in the book so take heed.)

Jimmy calls Heather Mills "a high priced load receptacle" and many fans of McCarthy bow down and agree.

He covers everything from Reverend Al Sharpton to Dr. Phil and the Yankees. His chapter on Starbucks made me laugh out loud. I also love his chapter on the pregnant man Thomas Beattie, "I told you to clean your room, young lady! Just wait until your father finishes changing his tampon." Come on you pussy laugh that is funny.

Actually, a lot of the book made me laugh out loud but I am not easily insulted. None of this book was insulting or degrading to me. However, if YOU are easily insulted by bad language, dirty words, or sex conversation then I suggest you just pass this one by while strolling the book aisles.

But, if you like to laugh, find humor in everyday situations and like when people speak the truth without censorship than you will love this book.

Jim Norton is a God and George Carlin would be proud.
I Hate Your Guts
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2nd Book - Kat Von D's High Voltage Tattoo.

If you don't know who Kat is I'll tell you. She is the hottest, heavily tattoo rock and roll chick around and the star of The Learning Channel's L.A. Ink.

She is also dating Motley Crue's Nikki Sixx who wrote the books forward.

This was an awesome read. We learn about Kat's background. Her love for her family and the fine arts. She has been drawing since she was 5 and tattooing since she was 14). BTW...real tattoo folks don't use terms like ink, tats, or otherwise. It is tattoo baby!

Kat's quote "love is my power, family is my strength and art is my passion" rings true for so many people.

It is filled with childhood photos, loads of high quality pictures of Kat looking hot, art work from her childhood and tats (oops tattoos) she has done and the history behind them.

You will love this book if you are a fan of Kat or tattoos but you will also love this book if you want to read about a real person who looks like she is tough as nails but deep down is just like the rest of us. We all bleed red people!
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The third and final book of my weekend is Red Carpet Suicide by Perez Hilton. Honestly, I almost passed up this book but since it was brand new, right out of the wrapper at my library I figured I would give it a gander.

Don't know Perez yet? Well check out his website here.

All in all the book was funny and read pretty much like his website. You have to give this guy credit where credit is due. He had a friggin celebrity gossip site (how many bloggers are trying to do that) and now he is one of the biggest celebrity bloggers around. He is funny, candid and doodles all over everyone's photos.

I took this from his site because I love Madonna's daughter Lourdes and so does Perez (aka Mario). Usually he is calling out the mini celebrities such as Nicole Richie, Lindsey Lohan, Tara Reid and the rest.

Beautiful girl, no?

His first chapter covers how to become a Hilton. If you are interested, according to Perez you have to be a gym rat, scary skinny, put on a faux food show, pick the right DUI for you, wreck a home, leak a porn video, and so on.

BTW...a faux food show means you eat in places you can be seen. "You never go to the Olive Garden, Red Lobster or Applebees. Those places are enclosed and dark. You can't be seen eating in there. You have to eat in wide open, giant store front windows so the photographers can get that "look at me, I'm not anorexic, I like burger" picture.

The book is a must read for all celebrity watchers like me.

As you can see, no classics here...Enjoy and when you are done reading, please take a shower and wash that celebrity filth right off of you would ya.

Peace out and happy reading!

Amateur Book Review - Dating Makes You Want To Die - And A Blog Giveaway

Dating Makes You Want to Die – but you have to do it anyway.

I absolutely love this funny, entertaining book! Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson have created the perfect opposite of such books as Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. The reader will totally appreciate mentions of current media attention hogs like: Lost, George Clooney, Bill O’Reilly, Jeremy Priven, The Hills, and more.

Reading this book is like listening to your cooler, older cousin tell you without the b/s, how to approach the dating world with balls and finesse. “Alcohol will turn the path of your bedroom into a slip n slide.”

The sarcastic banter of the authors is hysterical as they navigate you though all stages of the dating process like:

• First Impressions
• Places to meet potential dates and whether it should be for lunch or dinner.
• Surfing the internet dating sites like eHarmony and Match.com, “like real
• life but faker.”
• How to dress “Bohemian chic costs more than your life, It takes more money than you ever thought possible to spend on items that were made for seven cents by child laborers”.
• The reasons you are not having sex and the remedies. I can think of about 8 people off the top of my head that really need to read and underline all pertinent parts of this chapter. “You got laid back in college but now the life police have pulled up in their responsibility paddy wagon”
• Alcohol has a place in dating. “With booze, your flaws are as hidden as Cameron Diaz’s acne.”
• Preparing for liftoff, “Clean the dishes, clean the toilet, the litter box and anything else that smells like poop.”
• Talking you down when you realize that you just might be in a relationship, “changing your MySpace profile from single to in a relationship.”
• How to move in together successfully and the pros and cons of “the great shared bed hoax.”
• Knowing when it is time to break up and how to do it, “(bullet-proof line) I slept with someone else.”
• And so much more……

I personally love the He Says/She Says Sections and the Anti-Cosmopolitan like quizzes. God, how I used to hate the Cosmopolitan quizzes.

This quick, easy read has enough really good points to be considered a self book with humor or enough humor to be considered a self help book on humor. You decide.

You will not be disappointed. Great read for a friend, sibling, family member going off to college, someone entering the dating world again, or even someone already in a relationship who could use a good laugh.

Now, for the Giveaway.

Drum roll please..................................

To get your very own copy of this book....

• Leave a comment here on my other blog.
• A random winner will be selected at midnight September 25th and notified by email no later than September 27th.
• The winner will have 3 days to claim their prize.

Amateur Book Review - Snow Flower and The Secret Fan

This book was recommended by my son's speech instructor who only had good things to say about it.

Sheress and I picked it up as our mini book club pick after Sheress read the back cover.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See, is the story of Lily, her "Same" and an ancient language (nu shu – "women's writing") kept a secret for a thousand years forms the backdrop for an unforgettable novel of two Chinese women whose friendship and love sustains them through their lives. Certain girls are paired as "old-sames" in emotional matches that last throughout their lives. They paint letters on fans, embroidered messages on handkerchiefs, and composed stories, thereby reaching out of their windows to share their hopes, dreams, and accomplishments.

The story is engrossing and extremely interesting. It takes place in 10th century China and is wonderfully written. Very poetic and moves beautifully as you read. I never felt it slowed or got boring or too wordy.

There were some very disturbing parts of the book for me. The descriptions of what girls would go through for foot binding at their hands of their own mothers were a little hard to read.

Also, the fact that these women feel that "they were born wrong" simply because they weren't born men is also hard to swallow. As a daughter you are married out and your family receives a bounty for your hand. You live with your family after marriage and only move into your husband's families home after you give birth. You serve your mother-in-law or whatever elder mother is in the home until you move up the ranks (hopefully).

Son's on the other hand marry and their wives and children move into the family home to serve you. Since a family receives a bounty of food, jewels, fabric and other things for the hand of a women I find them very valuable. I think their way of thinking is a bit backward but that's just me. What the hell do I know?

If you are looking for a great read, with beautiful elegance and history, read Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. I was inspired by some of the traditions between the women of China and my heart goes out to anyone who ever feels they were born wrong.

Read a sample here.

Amateur Book Review - The Secret Life of Bees

The Secret Lives of Bees - by Sue Monk Kidd - Great book. I just heard that will will be a movie starring Dakota Fanning, Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, Sophie Okonedo (who I love from Hotel Rwanda) and Jennifer Hudson. Pretty exciting that it will be an all star cast.

Back to the book. The book takes place in the 60's and deals with racial tensions of the time. That is not why I wanted to read the book. The reason I wanted to read it was because the main character Lily's mom has died and she is on a mission to find out who her mom was. She is hungry for information about her mother which I can totally relate to.

In the story Lily she has a few saved mementos of her mom's and one of them, a piece of wood with a label on it featuring s a Black Madonna with the words Tiburon, South Carolina on the back. She and her maid/nanny (outspoken Rosaleen) get in a little trouble and Lily takes the opportunity to break free from her dad. She and Rosaleen head to South Carolina where they run into three black bee keeper sisters.

For me the story is about sisterhood, friends, and bravery. I adored the religion that the sisterhood made up to honor the Black Madonna along with a wonderfully poetic description of the times, an the nature of bee keeping.

This is a fantastic book and a really quick read. 4 out of 5 stars.