Meanest Story nominee: Loretta Lynn heart attack nightmare!

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

The months roll by, things come and go, but the constant is the dogs from the AMI kennel saying bad things about Miss Loretta Lynn. Now it's the Globe saying the country star and living legend is enduring a "heart attack nightmare".

Here's a tip about reading these headlines. The words "nightmare" and "drama" usually mean "this story is blown all out of proportion". Miss Loretta is now 79 years old, by no means a spring chicken but not as old as it used to be. The tabloids have been trying to kill her off for at least a year and a half.

Best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Loretta Lynn heart attack nightmare!

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

The months roll by, things come and go, but the constant is the dogs from the AMI kennel saying bad things about Miss Loretta Lynn. Now it's the Globe saying the country star and living legend is enduring a "heart attack nightmare".

Here's a tip about reading these headlines. The words "nightmare" and "drama" usually mean "this story is blown all out of proportion". Miss Loretta is now 79 years old, by no means a spring chicken but not as old as it used to be. The tabloids have been trying to kill her off for at least a year and a half.

Best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Kate collapses!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

The Flagship has three stories in one about celebrities in trouble on the cover this week, but because there are so few stories in general - especially because of the J. Lo divorce and the Lachey-Minnillo wedding - all three will get separate treatment.

According to the Enquirer, Kate Middleton collapsed on the recent tour and her husband has ordered bed rest, what with him being an old fashioned future monarch and all.

Lucky he didn't send her to the Tower. He can do that, you know. Sadly, he can't do it to Rupert Murdoch.

(Psych. The royals actually can't do that anymore.)

This is a nominee for Meanest story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Kate collapses!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

The Flagship has three stories in one about celebrities in trouble on the cover this week, but because there are so few stories in general - especially because of the J. Lo divorce and the Lachey-Minnillo wedding - all three will get separate treatment.

According to the Enquirer, Kate Middleton collapsed on the recent tour and her husband has ordered bed rest, what with him being an old fashioned future monarch and all.

Lucky he didn't send her to the Tower. He can do that, you know. Sadly, he can't do it to Rupert Murdoch.

(Psych. The royals actually can't do that anymore.)

This is a nominee for Meanest story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Willie Prison shocker!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

The low rent Examiner tells a true story this week, also reported by reputable news agencies, that Willie Nelson faces jail time because as they put it, "Judge throws the book at country star".

Here are the details, found online. Willie smokes the herb. We already knew that. He got caught smoking and was put on trial. He's an old guy, and a famous one to boot, so the trial judge said that instead of jail time, Willie could come by the court house and sing Blue Eyes Cryin' In The Rain. ANOTHER butt-inski judge hears about this, says it isn't fair because other people caught smoking herb aren't given this option and, just to be fair, gives the 78 year old singer two years in jail.

You know, just to be fair. Because if we don't apply our stupid draconian laws fairly, people will stop having respect for them.

Through no fault of the low rent Examiner, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Willie Prison shocker!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

The low rent Examiner tells a true story this week, also reported by reputable news agencies, that Willie Nelson faces jail time because as they put it, "Judge throws the book at country star".

Here are the details, found online. Willie smokes the herb. We already knew that. He got caught smoking and was put on trial. He's an old guy, and a famous one to boot, so the trial judge said that instead of jail time, Willie could come by the court house and sing Blue Eyes Cryin' In The Rain. ANOTHER butt-inski judge hears about this, says it isn't fair because other people caught smoking herb aren't given this option and, just to be fair, gives the 78 year old singer two years in jail.

You know, just to be fair. Because if we don't apply our stupid draconian laws fairly, people will stop having respect for them.

Through no fault of the low rent Examiner, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.